To Live Again
by Abducted Dib
Summary: Squee has been locked away in the mental institution for 7 years... will he ever get out of there? (Rated R for future violence, language, and SLASH Johnny/Squee)
1. Freedom

Disclaimer: Johnny and Squee both belong to the gorgeous and tallented writer/artist Jhonen Vasquez. 

Author's note: I hope no one flames me for this, cause if they do they will just be laughed at. If you dont want to read about **Johnny** and **Squee** as a **COUPLE** then please see yourself out. If you do think they are future time couple material, please join in the party! The orderves are free!!  
  
This is a FUTURE fic  


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It's been seven years since I was locked away in this living Hell hole. I was always treated badly when I was free, but now things are far worse than ever before. I get fed once a day, and my room is nothing but an old jail cell with padded walls. 

I miss the kids at school picking on me and pushing me down into the dirt.... I miss the strange looking lamb-dogs that seem to like me so much... I miss the scary aliens that haunted me at night... I even miss my parents, as cruel and cold as they were to me. Even though it was there fault that I am in here now... they probably forgot about me anyway. 

I wonder what everyone's up to now. How is Pepito doing without me around? I bet he's been killing even more students, though he probably forgot about me as well. And what about Nny... that strange guy that used to live next-door? Is he still on his killing rampages? Has he forgotten me too? 

I leans back against the cold wall of my cell and pull my legs closer to me. I shiver, and I wince a bit as I push down wrong on a broken rib of mine. That rib's been broken for about a year now, but no one ever did anything about it before, and they aren't about to do anything now. I look up at the ceiling of my padded room, and glance over at the window with steel bars. This room is very poorly insolated, and the heating is bad... so is the cooling... int he summer I am far too hot.. but in the winter time it can get extremely cold in here... I almost died last year from it, I kindof wish I had. 

I hold Shmee between my chest and my knees as I sit in my cell. There's never anything to do around here except stare off and daydream about being free again.... what I'd give to just be free and be able to go around and see flowers in a park... and talk to people. 

The only people I ever see now are the type of people who only work in these institutions because they can't get a job anywhere else. They seem to send the reject workers down to work with me. In fact the guy they have right now... 

Speak of the devil and he shall appear. I look over at the tall man wearing white, he's needed a good shave for about a month it looks like. He is always so mean to me though..... But at least he brings me my food. 

He throws a tray of "food" infront of me where I sit. If I weren't so hungry, I would have vomitted on the sight of it, but my stomach was begging me to fill it instead. And I listen, like I always do. I wait for the man to leave me alone as I eat, but he just stands there. I can tell he's angry about something... and I can smell the liquor from five feet away. 

He picks me up by my shirt color, and I just look at him, holding Shmee as close as I can. This always happens... they send someone to work with me for a few months, and they are always kicked out a while later because of this. I feel his knuckles colide with my jaw and I can taste the blood as it secretes through my inner cheek. I've been beaten so many times here, its just part of my monthly routine. 

After about three blows to my head, I feel myself lose consciousness. I dont know what's happening to my body, but my mind is dark and blank. 

The next thing I know, I wake up in a bed. That's strange, there was never a bed in my cell before. I look around the room... it's cool in here, but its not as cold as the cell was. I take a deep breath of air and I am overwhelmed by the fragrence of ... food. It smells like pork chops... and mashed potatoes... and maybe something else, but it's being covered by the other aromas. 

I close my eyes... and I hug Shmee again. Whoever brought me here.. I'm glad they at least let me keep Shmee with me. 

I hear a cluttering near the door. I open my eyes to see the cause of this clangor, and I stare. It's that strange neighbor I was telling you about earlier. And he's standing there with a tray of food. He looks just the same as the last day I saw him too, he hasn't aged a single bit. I catch myself mezmorised by his almost fluid movements as he walks towards my bed. He does seem to look younger, if anything, than when I saw him before. Like he dropped many heavy loads of emotional baggage... either that or he can hide it better now. 

He sets the tray down infront of me... and I try to sit up to be polite, but the pain in my rib seems to have folded over by ten. 

"Don't strain yourself, Squee," he helps me to sit up, and he takes it kindof slowly, so I'm glad for that, and he leans me against the bed railing. 

I look up again at Johnny, last time I saw him I was scared of him.... but now I don't know. I just don't feel as scared as I did before. Maybe I did grow up some in that prison cell of a mental institution... because now, he seems almost attractive. 

"Nny...?" It's all I can muster up to say. I know I've changed a bit since he's last seen me though, for one I'm five feet and 5 inches tall now. I am still as thin as I ever was though. My voice is slightly deeper, but I never really became anything lower than a high-tenor. My hair is about the same length as before, I try to keep it short, but usually I have to cut it myself during recreation time... the only time I am around scissors, so it's not even at all. 

"Yes, Squee?" He looks over at me again.... with those dark, deep brown eyes that seem to hollow into his deepest thoughts... if only I could read what he was thinking, I'm not very good at reading people's eyes yet... I'm better at reading their minds anyhow... well except for Johnny, I can't really seem to see what he's thinking of. 

"Uhm... what happened...? Where are we?" I figure that we are at Johnny's house, but I want to make sure. 

He just grinned at me, in that demented sort of way he does, "Well I heard that you were in that mental institution for so long, so I decided to check on you. And I came in to see this guard beating on you.. but I put a stop to that. He won't be beating anyone up any time soon..... and I decided to bust you out," he shrugged his shoulders, "Thought you could use some fresh air... and as for where we are, don't you reconize it? It's my house." 

"I've never been inside your house before...." 

"Oh, right... hey aren't you going to eat? I made it myself... and I didn't even poison it!" 

I just look at him for a second an I laugh a little. I haven't laughed for such a long time, it's really a feeling that I missed, and it seems to cheer him up a little bit too. I take a bite of the food he prepared.. I was right, there was something else that I just didn't smell. It's steamed carrots. I offer him a piece of my porkchop. 

"No thank you... I already ate. Besides, I'm a vegetarian." 

I have to laugh again at that... the thought of Johnny being a vegetarian and having blood-thirsty tendancies seemed to create a little dilemma in my mind. He laughs too, but I still don't know if he was telling me the truth or just joking around. I continue eating, and the conversation ceases until I am finished with the meal... the best meal I've had in such a long time. 

"So, now that you're free.. is there anything you'd like to do?" 

I look over at him as I whipe my face off with the back of my hand... I think for a few seconds, "I don't know. I just want to see the flowers in the park." 

"Really?" He puts his hand under his chin and seems to go into some deep thought... that I still can't pick up. Being able to read minds has been a skill that I have had for a while now... I guess that's why the ghosts like to bother me so much, because they know I can see them. I guess Johnny never killed anyone in his room, cause there aren't any ghosts in here. "I can take you to the park tomorrow if you'd like, but I don't think there will be any flowers..." 

"That'll be fine. I just need to see some new scenery..." I sigh to myself, and I guess Johnny hears me because he raises an eyebrow. 

"The park it is then." 

"But what if someone from the institute sees me..." 

"They should know better than to try and get you back by now...." His grin became darker and more sinister... and it still didn't bother me. It kinda made me feel a little better about having him on my side. 

I nod to him and smile a little bit in thanks for everything, and he just smiles back at me, in a less demented way though... I yawn too.. I am a little tired from everything that's been happening. 

"Are you tired...?" I nod again, "Eh.. do you want to sleep?" and I nod once more, "You can use my bed if you want." 

"Where are you going to sleep...?" 

"I don't." 

"Why do you have a bed then?" 

"It's just decoration." 

"Oh..okay" I lay down on the bed again and watch Johnny pick up the tray that my food was once on. He just smiles again. 

"Okay, you have a nice sleep. I'll be in here to check on you, if you need anything just ask." He gives me one last grin before he wanders out the door, leaving it opened a crack. 

I look down at Shmee and sigh, "No Shmee... I don't think he wants the chop me up and serve me as fajitas.... why would he have gone through so much to save me if that's what he wanted to do?" 

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Authors note2: Hey there again, hope you liked it, I know it wasnt the longest chapter in the world and there wasnt much slashiness, bit I havent gotten to that yet. Those that are familiar with me should know by now that I dont add slash in on a first chapter xD! 


	2. Dream or Reality?

Disclaimer: Oh yes, I do own Johnny the homocidal maniac and squee and thats exactly why i am writing here instead of publishing it in comic form... if you cant tell, that was sarcasm O-o 

Author's note: Okay, as long as one person is disturbed enough to review, I will continue on my insanity.. and that goes for this chapter, if people dont like it, then I have no inspiration...even though it is tempting to keep writing simply cause this is the first Nny-Squee fic I've ever seen. 

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I'm all alone... floating in the darkness that has become so welcoming for me... it's so much warmer than so much of my life anyhow. I feel no ground under my feet, as if I am suspended into mid-air.... I look around, all's the same. The same blackness for every direction I look. The same emptiness... The same everything.... except one small difference. I can see a glimmer... far, far away, like a star. A glimmer of light... 

I continue to stare at the light, and I feel as if I am being called towards it. I don't listen though, I stay in the protection of my black blind-fold to life... 

When I don't go towards the light, the light decides to come towards me. I turn around and start running, but I don't make any progress. I move my legs like I am running, but I feel as though something pressed a slow-motion button towards me and I have no escape. I run but I get no where, and the light still comes to take awa my dark protection. 

When the light finally gets to me, I scream and fall to my knees. I close my eyes and hold my breath, and try to hide from the bright light, the light scares me, it always has. I put my arms over my head and rest my head on my knees which are brought up tightly to my chest. I can hear a palpitation... It sounds like the beating of a heart. I can't tell if it's my own or not... 

Besides the throbbing, I can hear a voice... a singing voice. A softly singing voice of a child. And I open my eyes. there he is, the one that I couldn't ignore, the one that I can't kill.... the one I go as far as to protect. 

He's standing there, suspended as well as I'm, except he's in the light, and I am still in the dark. He reaches his hand out to me... and I hesitate but I take the small childish hand into my own... and I close my eyes as a brightness I never imagined overwhelmed me. 

I feel young.. so much younger than I can remember ever feeling before. I open my eyes once more... and the Squee I know now, the one I saved is standing there before me. He's got that smile on his face, and he still looks as innocent as he ever did before... except our roles are reversed. He is now the one in the darkness, and I am the one surrounded by the light. 

I keep watching him... and then I notice something peculiar. His smile gets transformed into a demented grin, as he reaches over to touch me once more.... I stand there, still a a bone.. paralyzed by my own fears... and I feel the pain, a stab right through my neck. I fall once more to my knees and watch the blood trickle down onto the floor... and I grow weaker by the moment. 

I barely manage to produce the strength to look up at him... and ask him silently... why? He just laughs and kicks me over. And I close my eyes.... the darkness comes back. 

********

I jump when a hand touches my shoulder, and my eyes shoot open. I must have fallen asleep... I remember now why I quit sleeping before. I look at Squee, he seems to be worried something's wrong. 

"Nny? Are you alright? You woke me up because you were tossing and turning so much... I thought you didn't sleep?" 

"I don't, usually anyway. I must have fallen asleep when I sat down here..." I sigh and pull myself to a sitting position, "Don't worry about me," I grin at him a bit, "It won't happen again." 

He gives me that innocent look he seems to be an ace at producing, "Okay..." 

I look over at a clock on the wall, just curious about the time.. it's only about five o'clock a.m. I look at Squee once more, "Did you still want to sleep?" 

He nods at me a little bit, he does look kinda sleepy. I guess he deserves some sleep, "Okay, then you can use the bes still if you'd like to." 

"You can stay if you want to..." 

I shake my head, "No, I'll fall asleep again." 

"Hey Nny..." He just looks so innocent... like Tima off of that strange Japanese movie that I decided to watch. I just wait for him to call me Kenichi whenever he gets that look, "Why don't you like to sleep?" 

I look at him, and put my hand under my chin, it's a habit of mine when I think. I shrug my shoulders, "It's a waste of time for me, and besides, I don't like the things I see when I'm asleep." 

"You have nightmares too..?" 

I nod my head. Nightmare, that is the best description of the dreams I have. It would be closer by saying Nightterror though. "You could say that..." 

I bring myself to stand up from my bed, I really don't want to end up falling asleep again... I don't want to see it again. That look in Squee's eyes... I shudder a bit as I think of it, it was a look that didn't belong there. Nothing as twisted and sick should ever touch him.. he doesn't deserve this Hell like I do. 

"Nny..." 

I look back at him, he's holding that bear... I glare at it briefly.. I know I'm a bad person, but it doesn't have to remind me... and I would never do some of the things it says... I try to keep my glare to a minimum, as to not scare Squee. I look at him, and smile a little bit, he is just so innocent, "Yes?" 

"Er.. can you stay in here until I fall asleep...?" 

I chuckle a little bit, that was a perfectly Squee thing for him to say. We may not have been really close back then before he got put away, but I knew him well enough to know what kind of person he was. He was like me, at least I think how I used to be. I still can't really remember. "Yeah, I'll stay here until you fall asleep." I sit back down on the edge of the bed, though this time I am careful not to lay down. 

He smiles at me again, and he hugs that bear of his, Shmee I think the name is. I sigh a bit.. and he scoots over. I raise my eyebrow at him, but he gives me another innocent look. I let it slide, and smile back at him and watch him close his eyes to fall asleep. And I glare at that bear again, I'm just glat that Squee doesn't listen to some of the things that bear tries to tell him about me... 

I lose track of time as I watch him, I guess he's asleep now. I can't help but smile again... he's the only bit of innocence that I can get close to, and I won't let anything hurt him. That's the one thing I can do to keep my sanity. 

I get up slowly, and try not to wake him as I get off of the bed. I look at him for a second more before I leave the room, "You're sick Shmee. I don't rape people." 

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Author's note2: There's the second chapter for you, hope you enjoy! Er, traumatise thy friends with it XD! 


	3. Cops, are they brave or stupid?

Disclaimer: I still don't own Squee and Nny, and if you think I do, you're nuts. 

Author's note: Sorry I havent updated the fic in a while, I have been a bit busy and I havent had a moment alone where I have been awake enough to write for a while. But I do keep my promises, and i will update. 

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I wake up to the sound of sirens. I open my sleepy eyes and squint and the few rays of brightness let in between the black window curtains. I wonder what happened. 

I pull myself out of bed, slowly though because of the pain in my chest. Though it isn't as bad as usual. I notice the bandages around me before I get to the window and peek out. And I panic, there's police cars outside... Nny would surely be able to handle 4 cop cars, I've heard he killed everyone at Taco Smell with a spork... 

I need to see if everything's okay. I pick up Shmee, and to be safe, I pick up a wooden baseball bat that had been strategically placed at the side of the bed. And I head downstaires, quiet so I can listen. 

I jump at the sound of a gunshot... that's funny, I never though Nny used guns. I peek over the stairway, and there's about 5 cops and Nny standing alone against a wall with a strange grin on his face. I don't think he is even capable of fear. 

"Now this is the last time we're going to ask you, where's the kid?" 

So it's my fault that all of this is happening? It's my fault that 3 police men are dead and the only way the other 5 have a chance of escaping is if they kill Nny first..? 

"I told you not to ask me that..." 

I wince as a blade is thrown, impaling another of the cops in the throat, and I duck down as I hear a few more gunshots. I just hope that Johnny is as good at dodging bullets as he is at killing with a knife. 

When the shooting is finished, I peek over the edge once more, and two more cops have been killed, and Johnny is left with only a cut from a bullet grazing his left shoulder. I just don't think Johnny is in a good situation anymore. 

One cop somehow got behind Johnny and has the gun up to his head. I grip the baseball bat I have in my hands. 

"Don't make a single move, or I'll shoot." One of the cops says, a woman cop. 

"We'll ask you one more time, where's the boy?" The other cop, a male, speaks up for the first time. 

Nny doesn't say anything, and the girl cop clicks the release on the gun as a warning. 

I close my eyes and swing the bat down agaisnt the girl cop's head, I don't want her to kill Johnny. My eyes are still closed so I don't know whats going on, all I hear is more gunshots. I fall down to a kneeling position and hold onto my chest with my free hand . But I keep my eyes closed and I just hope everything will be alright. Even though I know Nny is completely capable of almost any given situation, I'm still scared. Scared that he could be hurt because of me, and scared of what will happen if he is hurt. 

I feel a hand on my shoulder, and I move back afraid that the cop could be coming for me. 

"Hey, good job back there... I was wondering how to distract her enough to pull out my knife. 

I blink and look up at Nny. I don't really know what to say, I've never hit anyone like that before. I look down at Shmee for advice, but he remains silent. I sigh and look back at Nny. 

"Thanks a lot. Hey, do you by any chance know where I can find some hydrogen peroxide or anything?" 

"Mm... I think we can get some at the store if you want to go." 

"Sounds like a plan to me, just let me clean myself up a bit." I watch him move past me on the staires, and he turns around to say something, "How are your ribs doing? Didn't hurt yourself or anything, did you?" 

"I'll be fine," I smile and stand up, leaning on the rail, "It just needs time to heal." 

"True. Well, we can stop by the park after the store, how does that sound?" 

I smile even more when he suggests this, "So, you remembered?" 

He shrugs his shoulders, but I catch his wincing as he does so. "How could I forget?" 

I shrug back at him and shake my head, "I don't know, just I didn't expect you to." 

He waves at me once, "It's no biggie," then heads the rest of the way up the staires. 

I pick up Shmee and look at him, "Why are you being so quiet all of a sudden...?" 

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Author's note: Hoe I didn't disappoint you with anything, I guess the chapter is kinda short and all. And I was being distracted left and right ever since I started it.... 


	4. Good news and bad

PDear fans, I am just letting you know that I WILL write another chapter for you all to see, but it will be on MY Webpage, and I wont mind sharing the link with you if you email me. I have to get the url made myself. This isnt only for those of you who wanted me to write the fanfic.. this is for you, hypothalamus, who are so immature as to read and review a fanfic that doesn't interest you. I respect Jhonen more than you ever could by looking at his works and making my own ideas from it. I don't care much for people who like to stick their noses where they don't belong. I don't care if you don't like my writing. All you have to do is not read it. You telling me that I am being disrespectful to Jhonen is a lot more disrespectful than I ever was. I never said this paring has to occur, I just wanted to share my ideas with the world.  
  
PI am aware that I am going to be banned from ff.net for a while, so email me in the next few days and I will be glad to give you the url to my new website, if I am done with getting it... it will more than likely be under construction, but I'll spread it around anyway. Remember, Stay away from dictators that like to control what does not belong to them. (btw, I would discontinue this story if Jhonen told me to himself)  
  
PBLIFE TO CREATION, LIFE TO OPINION, LIFE TO FREEDOM./B 


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